


The Past Will Not Let Me Go

by Spaceytrash



Series: Dead Poets Society inspired Hilson oneshots [2]
Category: House M.D.
Genre: Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Poor James Wilson (House M.D.)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22125049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaceytrash/pseuds/Spaceytrash
Summary: Wilson's parents plan to visit him, but he isn't excited at the prospect. After some digging from House, he reveals a part from his childhood he would rather forget.Inspired by Dead Poets Society.
Relationships: Greg House/James Wilson
Series: Dead Poets Society inspired Hilson oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592566
Comments: 2
Kudos: 104





	The Past Will Not Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> I started this after I watched DPS a few months ago, but abandonded it halfway through and instead started from scratch, which resulted in my first DPS inspired fic.  
> Couldn't sleep tonight and found this halfway done in my files, so I decided to finish it.

“We’re coming tomorrow. I made reservations for 8. See you soon, son.”

“Yes, sir.”

Wilson heaved a sigh when he was finally able to put down the phone. The light-hearted mood he had been in before the phone call had vanished, and now he only felt tired and drained. Conversations with his father always did that to him.

His parents were driving through the state and wanted to see him while they were nearby, and he was already dreading it.

Despite what House and probably everyone else thought, his parents weren’t perfect, and he didn’t particularly agree with them most of the time. Hence why he was not looking forward to their dinner tomorrow.

Especially since they still didn’t know about the change in his and House’s relationship and he knew House would want to accompany him to dinner, even if it was just to annoy him and his parents.

He had hoped their friendship would develop into something more basically since the day he had met House, but his own insecurities, his own internalized homophobia and the fear of losing the best thing in his life had hold him back from telling the other. And House had never shown any obvious interest in him that way, except for the occasional jokingly thrown in reference.

That was until 4 months ago, when House one evening, during a pizza and bad movie marathon, suddenly told him that he loved him and wanted more in their relationship. At first Wilson was sure it was just another stupid joke but the activities that had happened afterwards had sure convinced him that House meant what he had said.

Thinking back about it made the oncologist smile involuntary. It really had been a spectacular evening. Despite his fears and his almost certainty that their newfound change in relationship was bound to go up in flames, it was still going on strong. Sure, they had disagreements now and then but both House and he had never been happier in their life. At least he hoped that the other felt the same about it.

Now he apparently was about to face his first real trial with House. Telling his parents would be inevitable, if his friend was accompanying him to dinner and he was sure it would not go over well.

His thought process was interrupted by someone barging into his office. Wilson didn’t even need to look up to know who it was. Only one person crashed into his space like it was his own. He had hoped he would have some more time to sort out his own thoughts before telling House of his evening plans, but apparently such a reprieve wasn’t in the cards for him today.

“I’m hungry, so I think it’s time for you to treat me to lunch”

Wilson hadn’t looked up yet, his mind still reeling about what to tell the other about the upcoming dinner.

“C’mon don’t ignore me. I haven’t even done anything yet today, so you can’t possible be mad at me”

Removing his hand that was rubbing his neck, which he hadn’t even noticed he was doing, he looked up at House. The other man was watching him closely, looking for clues that would tell him what was going on.

“My parents called. They invited me to dinner tomorrow evening”

“So? Your parents are nice, and you like them. What’s the big deal?” House asked and after musing for a few seconds, continued, “You haven’t told them about us, have you?”

He watched House lift an eyebrow questioningly, like he was trying to figure everything out without Wilson needing to say a single word, and couldn’t supress a tired sigh.

“No, I haven’t,” he agreed, not wanting to get further into the topic.

“Why?”

“You need to ask? Why wouldn’t I tell my Jewish parents that my marriages have failed because I always secretly wanted to sleep with my best friend and now, I finally was brave enough to get what I wanted? Can’t imagine why that wouldn’t go well,” his voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“Well, I wouldn’t exactly word it like that”

House sat down on Wilson’s couch, looking at him intensively, “You really think they wouldn’t accept it. They have a homeless schizophrenic son, a gay one shouldn’t be a big deal next to that”

Wilson scoffed. House had no idea. His parents would absolutely be pissed once they find out, especially his father. But then again House couldn’t know how wrong he was. That his image of loving parents no matter what was inaccurate, since Wilson had never told him about the things he had to live with while growing up. Had never told him how his father had destroyed his trust.

“Yes, I really think so. Better yet, I definitely know they won’t like it”

“If they can’t deal with it, screw them.” House said his voice rough, hiding the fact that he was actually caring about another person.

“Yeah well, some of us care about, if their family likes them,” Wilson argued thinking that a fight with his parents wouldn’t be worth it. He had long ago learned that in an argument with his father, he couldn’t win, no matter how right his standpoint was. His father always found a way to twist the facts to suit his needs. The one time he had tried to rebel it had almost turned disastrous.

“You shouldn’t. If they don’t like who you are or sleeping with, you shouldn’t concern yourself with them. Stop being such a doormat, Wilson”

He heaved a sigh. No matter how right House was he really wasn’t in the mood to discuss it, his childhood and relationship with his parents was something he wanted to keep under lock and key, especially in front of House.

“Just drop it. I’m having dinner tomorrow at 8, so you’ll have to cook for yourself, or more likely order in for yourself”

“You’re not even trying to make me go along? I’m hurt. I was actually counting on you paying for my fancy dinner”

“We both know you wouldn’t enjoy it and I really don’t want to tell them over dinner about us. You wouldn’t shut up about it, so yeah I was hoping you would rather stay at home”

House just harrumphed, crossing his arms and leaned back on the couch, a smirk clearly visible on his face. “You will have to convince me with your performance tonight. I’m not usually one to pass up a free dinner, you know”

The sheer ridiculousness of the situation made Wilson chuckle, “Alright. I think I can manage that,” then he stood up, ready to leave, “You mentioned something about me buying you lunch?”

**XXXXXXXXXX**

His heart was beating fast in his chest and he was trying to catch his breath. House’s arm was underneath his head and he was burying his face into the crook of his neck. The other doctor was surprisingly okay with cuddling after sex, which had surprised Wilson the first time it happened. Their night had been truly fantastic, and he was sure he had convinced the other to stay at home the next evening.

It had all been pretty nice and Wilson was ready to get a good night’s sleep, when House suddenly asked something that would change his plan.

“Why are you so sure your parents would mind us being together?”

Wilson immediately froze up, his muscles tensing and his breath stopping for a second. He turned around, his back now facing his lover. It apparently had been asking too much that House would forget about their talk this afternoon. And of course, he would find the most unfitting situation to bring it up again. There was no way he would be getting out of this without it developing into a fight and that was something he wanted even less than talk about his past. He couldn’t do this and see House though; it would only make it worse.

“Because I know it,” he whispered, his voice rough with supressed emotions. He closed his eyes, trying to blend out everything, but all it did was flash images of his past before his mind.

He sighed tiredly before continuing, “I know I’ve told you I’ve never been with another man before you, but that wasn’t entirely true. While I never slept with another guy, I did fall in love with one.”

Images of a face from his past flashed before his mind and he had to stop talking. He felt his body start to shiver and he cursed himself. House didn’t need to see how affected he still was by this story after all this time.

When he didn’t say anything for a while, he suddenly felt a warm but slightly rough hand softly slide over his side and rest on his hip. The thumb slowly drawing soothing circles on his skin. Letting the warmth of the other just seep into his skin for a second, he drew comfort from the gesture and started talking again.

“I was around 12 when my father thought it would be a good idea to send me to a private school, for better opportunities and all that. He was hellbent on me becoming a doctor and Welton Academy was the best school to achieve that. It had a tight regimen of classes and then almost straight afterwards study sessions, but it did its job. I was getting good grades and my father was happy. Well until Todd arrived. His brother had been at Welton years before and his parents had wanted to sent him too but his grades hadn’t been good enough, so he had been at another school before his grades had improved and he could join Welton when he was 15.”

Painful throbs surrounded his heart the second he mentioned Todd. His soft brown hair, kind eyes and gentle face flashing in front of his mind’s eye. He started to shake again. Swallowing a few times, he tried to stop his voice from wavering but couldn’t do so completely.

“We were assigned roommates and at first we didn’t really talk much. He was deathly shy and didn’t really talk a lot in general but over time we became closer. It wasn’t until we got a new teacher, Mr. Keating, that we became really friends. Mr. Keating had a very big interest in poetry and the way he taught it inspired us all. So, we started a secret club, where we mostly read poetry or talked about stupid things.

It was fun and brought me and Todd closer. We enjoyed the same poems and stories and had other things in common. I noticed things about him that I didn’t with others and that others found interesting in girls. When I realized that, I panicked of course, and didn’t know what to do with my feelings.

One day I went to Mr. Keating hoping he could help me sort it out, make it go away or something. He told me it was normal and that I should tell Todd. He was so very understanding and encouraging that in that moment I had felt like nothing bad could happen. I was very wrong about that.”

His voice broke and he had to take a few breaths, his eyes stinging with unshed tears. The memories were overflowing his mind and making his feelings go haywire. It was hard to talk about this, but the upcoming part would be even harder.

The hand on his hip was still drawing calming circles and while he couldn’t see House, he knew he was listening intensively. For once quiet and actually just listening, for which Wilson was extremely grateful. He wasn’t sure he would have been able to continue if House had said a word.

“He did warn me and told me to be cautious, if me telling Todd would lead to something, but I didn’t really listen at that point.

Surprisingly when I told Todd about my feelings, he returned the sentiment. I was on cloud 9 and couldn’t believe it was actually happening. You know how it is, teenagers with their first love. We thought we were unstoppable, like nothing bad could happen to us as long as we’re together.

One day we were kissing in a secret spot before class when a friend of ours, who had also been in our club, saw us. He of course told the principal, who flipped out and then told our parents. We were understandingly mortified, but I still harboured hope that it wouldn’t be so bad. After all we hadn’t done something wrong, we were just in love. And Keating had reacted so well to it, I was hoping my father wouldn’t be any different.

My hope turned out to be just that, hope. He wasn’t understanding at all. Once he found out, he immediately came to the school and demanded to know why I would do something as embarrassing as that. I tried to argue that I loved Todd, of course, but it didn’t matter. The next thing I knew, I was taken out of Welton, without even the chance to say goodbye, and back home. Father was screaming at me the whole way back. I never heard him be that angry. He told me about what horrific things would happen to me, if I continued on this path. How terrible my life would be and what an utter embarrassment I was for the family. When we arrived home, he took me to my room, and I tried to once again argue about how I did nothing wrong and that I loved Todd.”

Wilson sighed, what was coming next was the hardest part. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand, feeling wetness. Taking a shuddering breath, he continued, “That’s when he slapped me.”

The hand on his hip paused and he could feel House put a bit of pressure on it, his finger digging slightly into Wilson’s skin. Not hard so that it would cause any pain, but Wilson knew by that how pissed House was at his father’s actions. He knew that John House hadn’t treated his son well. House had never said much but what he had, had been enough to know that House Sr. wouldn’t win any best father awards. Hearing that Wilson’s own father hadn’t been much better apparently made him angry.

“He looked as shocked as I felt. I don’t think he had planned to do it, not that it really excuses it. But it never happened again at least. Tried to make up for it the rest of the time really but it’s something one can’t easily forget. And well, it’s not like we talked about it or mentioned it again. We did what we always did with unpleasant business, buried it and never mentioned it again. So yeah, House, I know he won’t react well.”

When he finished his story, the room fell silent. It was thick and uncomfortable, filled with too many feelings and too many unsaid things. Wilson was still shaking slightly, and he could feel a few tears escape his eyes and slide down his cheeks. He had loved his parents dearly, but that day had destroyed a lot of trust and love he had put on his father. Their relationship had never been the same and Wilson himself had never been the same. Always scared to do or say the wrong thing, in case it would happen again. Never again acted out of the norm in fear of the repercussions he would have to face.

He got ripped out of his melancholy thoughts when the hand on his hips slid up and down his side in a soothing manner. Clearly trying to comfort him.

“Your father is an ass. He doesn’t need to know about us or deserves to. And if you want me to beat him to a pulp just say the word and I will.”

Houses voice was silent and rough, but Wilson knew he meant it. He just had to say the word, and House would do as he said. It warmed his heart that he was ready to do that for him so easily.

“Thanks, but no. What has happened has happened and he does regret it. I know that. He is still my father and I do love him, maybe more than I should but it doesn’t matter. It won’t change anything,” Wilson slowly turned around, facing House again.

His blue eyes were filled with anger, at his father, and compassion and Wilson felt a surge of love wash through him. No matter the circumstances he was glad he had arrived at this point with House at his side. Yes, he had loved Todd but what he had with House was so much stronger than a teenage crush.

He leaned forward and kissed the other softly, pouring every bit of thankfulness and love he felt into it. Once they broke apart, he smiled slightly at him.

“It’s nice of you to offer, though.”

House just pulled Wilson to him and he took that as his cue to cuddle closer, letting his head return to its spot on the older man’s shoulder. He was still hurting from the memories, but the mere presence of his lover dulled it a great deal. He really was grateful to have found House.

A warm hand stroked soothingly over his shoulder and helped him slip into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
